Have you ever wondered, “what does Sarah SOUND like?”

Here’s your chance to find out. 

Go here, view my video, gain some insight into why I chose to concentrate on writing and not broadcast journalism, and (of course) VOTE!  You can vote every day until December 7th.  

Thanks to those of you who provided the AWESOME quotes for my video.  I chose to portray the quotes theatrically (I use this term loosely;) hopefully, none of you read into the character that I assigned you.  I tried to pick characters that had obvious costumes.  If you ARE offended, just remember that poor Kim turned up as an adolescent boy in my video.  It could always be worse. 

And I promise that this will be my last post on the contest until the results are official! You guys have been so great and supportive.  

Coming later this week: the long-anticipated “Relationships + EDs: Part II” post.

Homework – Work + Memes = Awesome

I get tagged fairly frequently for memes (perhaps because I’m so popular.  Or because people realize I have no life. I’ll go with the former.  I don’t have to be honest YET.)

Right now, I have a paper to write and a math test to study for, so obviously I suddenly feel the pull to complete one of the memes I’ve actually been tagged in a few times over the last year: the Honest Scrap Award.

The rules are to:

A) Say thanks and give a link to the presenter of the award.
Thanks Emily, Kim, and others whose presentation has slipped my all-too-fragile memory!  

B) Share “10 Honest Things” about myself.

Although the heart and soul of my blog is already brutal honesty (all too brutal sometimes–sorry if I have ever made you scream “TMI!” at your computer monitor) I thought I would share 10 short things about myself that are not worthy of entire posts.  (Surprisingly, I’m not so vain as to think that EVERYTHING about myself would make amazing content for the 800+ words I seem to write on each post.  No, no.  I just spend D’s time telling him everything that doesn’t make the cut.) 

1. I eat the exact same breakfast almost every day: overnight oats with plain yogurt, cinnamon, almond butter, and frozen blueberries (or banana.)  I get REALLY sad when I can’t eat it, because it’s the eating highlight of my day.
    
2. I frequently speed while driving.  It is never intentional (like “I’m running late so get the hizzle out of my way!”) I just forget to pay attention to my speedometer.  Bad? Yes.  
    
3. Also, every time I take the Interstate to go to school, I deeply fear that I will die.  So several times a week God hears my prayer: “God, don’t let me die today.  But if I do, I’d love it if it were sudden and painless.”    
    
4. I start dreading bad things months before they happen.  My best friend who moved down the street is moving home again in May, and I’ve already mentally said “goodbye” to her, even as I enjoy time with her. 
    
5. Once she leaves, I will feel very friendless in this town.  It is sad.  I’ve been here for a year, and I feel like no one really knows or likes me (with the exception of a few people who already have a well-developed, involved circle of friends.) Living here has been the loneliest time in my entire life to date.  
    
6. In 10th through 12th grade, I wrote down the outfit, shoes, and accessories I had worn every day in my planner so I wouldn’t repeat outfits.  I went 51 days without having to re-wear something, and even then I mixed up the accessories and shoes so I wouldn’t repeat it.  
   

   Oh high school.

7. My favorite job ever was being a barista.  I worked for 2 1/2 years at two different independent coffee shops.  I loved making coffee; I loved drinking it; I loved creating new recipes.  I loved interacting with customers and remembering their drink orders, names, and stories.

   My favorite customers were in 2005: two regulars (moms) who came in every day because they were new to town.  I knew I was one of the few people that interacted with them every day so I tried to go deeper with them.  I wound up connecting one who told me that she was a Christian with my mom and her Bible study, which gave her tons of friends.  

   I never suggested it to the other one because I didn’t know her religious beliefs, but every day as she left the coffee shop, I prayed that she could find some good friends.  I saw her at the farmer’s market this summer when I was visiting my parents.  I went up to her and said, “Trina, blended chai?” I got a big hug, and as we talked she told me that she also attends my mom’s Bible study and has found wonderful friends through the group.  God is funny sometimes. 
    

8. Speaking of coffee, I used to try to support independent coffee shops (and I will if they are GOOD,) but in my current city, I visit the Bucks 99% of the time. I don’t like most of their brewed coffees, but their espresso-based drinks are delicious, and I like how they invest in the community, have same-sex partner benefits, and give all partners health insurance. I have read every book about the company (and Howard Schultz’s biography) and I would LOVE to work for corporate Starbucks someday if they had a position that I was suited for.  

   On the other hand, my favorite coffee shops ever are independent. 

   

   Java on Sherman in Coeur D'Alene, Idaho

   

   The Rockwood Bakery in Spokane, Washington

    
   So I guess this makes me indecisive. Or just a junkie.
    

9. I want another dog now that I have Java.  Even though we couldn’t handle or afford two dogs right now, I’ve been looking at Wheaten terriers anyway.
   

   She's saying, "adopt me!"

10.  I put my dog in a sundress.  I’ve also put her in a pumpkin costume.  Next up: a Santa costume.  D thinks this is cruel and unusual punishment.  I think, hey, she gets all of my love and affection, and a lot of my energy.  If I want her in a Santa suit, then by George, she’s wearing the Santa suit.

                 This probably means I will be a bad mom.

Flattering Quotes Wanted

Sorry to be all, “Tell me how awesome I am…” 

but really, tell me how awesome I am. 

The needs of my family this week have somewhat overpowered my ability to make a mind-blowingly creative video for the Good Mood Gig contest.  Trust me, it hasn’t been pretty around here.  The kids had an uprising this morning because I had the audacity to a) wake them up for school and b) make one of them take her antibiotics. Le horror! 

Now just imagine a surly 18 year old with ADHD and without a driver's license, then add a sick mother and two dogs, and you'll have the full picture of my week so far.

This spree of hate crimes turned weird when the kids’ carpool member climbed in our minivan cradling a Nazi sword.  Not even joking.  To honor Veteran’s Day, the students were apparently allowed to bring in war memorobilia.  Their private school has stuffy uniforms but no weapon control policy? I guess I know how their administration votes…

Oh, and said carpool member was also dressed up “like a veteran.”  That meant she was wearing her normal blue and khaki school uniform, but with the addition of a red polka dot headband.  I call dibs for next Halloween.

Later on, after I had spent 3 full hours in the minivan doing errands and carpool duty, my Pilates drill sergeant  little brother put me through some rigorous 100s, while shouting, “you suck!” I think all this military stuff went to his head.  

Wow, I really suck at making my posts concise.  Sorry guys, D is gone so I have to unleash all my dumb jokes somewhere or I might explode.  My mom’s meds have made her weepy, which is not quite the reaction I’m seeking. 

“hilarious one-liner”
“wracking sobs” (that’s pretty much how our conversations are going.)  

Moving on to the point of this post: since I have not had the time to make the Academy Award winning 90-second video clip I have in my mind, I may put together something featuring blog readers’ quotes + some short words from me.  

These quotes can be about me, about my blog, why I deserve the opportunity to blog professionally, what my blog or writing has meant to you, etc.  This idea was inspired by the lovely Kim, who was sweet enough to proofread my essay for me (which is the other part of my final submission.  It has to be under 250 words.  Do you know how HARD that is for me?!! If you’re still reading this post, you obviously do.)

If I use your comments in my essay or video, they won’t have your name attached–it will only say something like “blog reader” due to the contest rules.  If I don’t use your comments, they will still help me think about what I want to say and will encourage me during this tough week.  

I have received comments before that have made me cry with how sweet and supportive they were, but I never want to use a comment out of context without permission.  So we’re starting fresh here.  Just leave a comment or e-mail me at bearingeatingbeing@gmail.com.  And if you have a sizzling idea that I could convince my only potential cameraperson to stick around long enough to use, feel free to share–preferably through e-mail.

There is no obligation whatsoever–I won’t be mad if this post has 0 comments as I realize I may be annoying you all with my constant discussion of this contest. So leave me a comment if you so desire.  

Also, if anyone wants to mail me a sword for next Halloween, I wouldn’t complain.  I might even tell you how awesome YOU are.

Foibles and Fun

I will post more about relationships and eating disorders in the next week, but I wanted to quickly share a few of the ridiculous foibles and adventures I have had in the last few days.  If you follow me on Twitter, you may have read a few of these: 

• I decided to get my hair cut on a frustrated whim.  NEVER a good idea.  It’s also not a good idea to get your haircut someplace where they don’t take bills over $20.  At least assymetric is considered a “style” right now.  If you squint, my uneven haircut could pass for assymmetric…

• I was positive, so positive I would have sworn on my mother’s life, that I saw Denzel Washington walking down the street as I drove downtown today.  As I got closer, I realized: not only was he not Denzel Washington, but he was not even black.  And he was bald. 
   
•  On that same token, I recently read a sign and exclaimed to David, “why is that business named genital herpes?”  It turned out it said NOTHING of the sort, and was an art gallery.  Maybe it’s time to get my eyes checked…
   
• I am visiting my parents this week because my mom had reconstructive arm surgery yesterday and needs help with the 3 kids still at home.  Not only did she call me from the operation recovery room (still half sedated) to tell me something about a dinner for 50 that she was responsible for, but later she made me plan the next 5 dinners (this time, for 100) and contact “her crew” to assign different responsibilities. She was vomiting on and off this whole time, by the way.  She is not a caterer; she is just in charge of bringing dinner to my brother’s play cast every Tuesday and Thursday until their play.  Which is in three weeks.  How convenient…especially since she can’t drive, cook, or lift for six weeks.     
   
• Java made the trek with me to Minnesota since D is actually on a mission trip in Costa Rica right now. Java did great on the plane, but now that she’s here, things aren’t going so smoothly.  My parents’ 20 lb Cockapoo, Ginger, is terrified of my white, fluffy, polite 5 lb puppy.  Java tries to get her to play, and Ginger (my parents’ dog) runs and hides.  Lest you think that Ginger is antisocial, however, let me assure you: she has friends.   Online ones.  

She probably has a Dungeons and Dragons game somewhere, too.

• My physical therapist wants me to do Pilates DVDs.  I’ve written before about how I actually got STUCK in a Pilates position in the one class I’ve been to–let’s just say that “flexibility” is not my strong suit (nor is core strength.)  So anyway, I bought these DVDs and bravely set about doing one for the first time two nights ago.  My little brother legitimately got a bowl of cereal and sat down to watch me instead of TV.  He said, “I’m going to sit here and watch Sarah be unflexible.”  

  However, I got my revenge when I invited him to join me–and he accepted.  We moaned and groaned together, and he reminded me last night that we needed to do it.  Apparently, he’s viewing this visit as a Pilates boot camp for both of us.
   

• I went to a birthday party involving one of my scariest foods (pizza) at a restaurant called Chubby’s.  So good for the psyche…I did, however, choke down 1 and 1/4 pieces of pizza.  GO ME.  I am also going to be challenged this week to basically not exercise beyond the Pilates and short walks with the dogs, because my mom’s life is freaking BUSY and I am “her” this week.  Lack of exercise makes me quite anxious. Support welcomed and encouraged!
   
• D and I were prepping for his Costa Rica trip by looking in the camping aisle at Target. I saw miniature tents like these on display and exclaimed, “how CUTE! Are these tents for your dogs?”

 D stared at me like I was a complete idiot.  Apparently, these are just MODELS of tents.  This may qualify as my “Blonde Moment of the Year.”  But really, I try to avoid camping, so I wouldn’t know. 

• My final excitement: I am officially in the top 20 for the Sam-E Good Mood Gig contest! Now I just have to make a 90 second video, write a biographical sketch, and get voters and a panel of voters to see my true awesomeness.  Piece of cake? Ideas welcome… 

Relationships + EDs: A Couple’s Perspective

One of the most common questions I receive is, “what do you think about having a romantic relationship when you have an eating disorder?”  And some of the most common search terms that land people at my blog are, ”confiding ED to husband” and “husband + eating disorder” and “boyfriend + eating disorder.” 

My husband, D, has guest posted on this topic; you can read his post HERE.  But since I keep getting questions, I want to dive in a little deeper to this topic.  

So D and I took one for the team and spent two afternoons at Starbucks talking about what to write about this topic.  We’re so sacrificial.  We decided to just tell our story, and intersperse our “lessons learned.” 

When D and I met, I was in the throes of what I would now identify as a subclinical eating disorder.  I ran 3-6 miles every day, would often work out twice in a day, restricted after eating anything I considered “unhealthy,” and would occasionally try to make myself throw up.  I was honest with D and told him that I struggled with body image and with eating appropriately, but I would always follow up with “but I’m fine.” 

At the time, he thought that if he just praised me enough, that I would be able to get into a healthier frame of mind. He now says that this is mistake #1- thinking that unhealthy body image can just be “fixed” by compliments. 

During our sophomore year of college, I became increasingly reclusive and ritualistic in my eating habits.  Our schedules didn’t parallel at all, so we only ate together a few times a week.  In actuality, I could have eaten with him a lot more but “I” liked being alone when I ate because I was eating weird things.  I also became a vegetarian during this time, so any dietary changes were masked by this. 

 

One of the few social outings I went to that semester. I look miserable.

 

I lost quite a lot of weight during the semester, but D actually didn’t notice.  He only noticed after Thanksgiving when I told him that my parents had been on my case about my weight.  He now says that this was mistake #2: you should always be attentive to changes in your significant others’ body and eating habits, because even if they don’t signify an eating disorder they could signify depression.

Over Christmas and January break, I lost more weight and was diagnosed.  D didn’t understand the severity of my weight loss until he saw me in late January.  He said his heart just sank as I walked off the plane, and he could barely hug me because he was so upset.  

Still, he didn’t understand the mental aspects until a few days later when I broke down in front of him about how I couldn’t go to a leadership dinner and had to get coffee to take to dinner so I would have something in my hands.  He asked me gently, “aren’t you trying to gain weight?”  I began ranting and raving, basically letting the eating disorder have control of my mouth, and as I wailed and stomped my feet on the ground –he finally got how horrible I felt on the inside.    

Because of what he had witnessed, he refused to let me break up with him when I was sent home a few days later. He told me, “you’re not thinking straight and you need me.  I will be here as long as you need me.”  I cried and told him I was over him, but he just kept calling and emailing me until I realized that he was right–I needed him–and was grateful that he hadn’t left my side.

D wants me to point out here that any significant other should be true to their feelings. If a significant other does not really want to be in a relationship with the person with an eating disorder and doesn’t think there is a future, they should not stay just to “save” the person.  Staying in a relationship because you feel sorry for the person is not healthy for you or the other person; it may even cause more damage to the person when you break up later.  It is okay to help them get connected with help, and to support them as a friend, but unless you love the person (or feel romantically towards them) you shouldn’t just stay in the relationship to “protect” them.  

In our case, D says he felt tender towards me and wanted to stay with me for as long as I would let him.  He knew we might break up at any point, but he wanted to support me as long as he could.

So he learned about eating disorders.  He spent time asking lots of questions to try to understand all that was going on in my twisted little brain.  He made many mistakes, as did I, in communicating.   What did we learn? Be honest when things hurt your feelings; be honest and tell the person when you’re struggling and how they can help; be honest when the person with the eating disorder is hurting you; just be honest.  

During the recovery process, I was unusually irrational, irritable, weepy, and whiny. D walked on eggshells for a while, but then started to call me out on things.  We learned that it wasn’t very helpful when D tried to “out argue” the eating disorder logic, but it was helpful when he would present a different viewpoint.  

As an example: when I would cry that I was becoming ginormous, it would be fruitless for him to say, “no, you’re not fat.”  I would just cry back, “yes I am!” Our conversations would go a lot better when he would say something like, “what do you weigh right now?” and then talk about how big the gap was between my healthy weight and my current weight.  I never appreciated it when he told me that I was being illogical, but I always responded well when he led me to come to the conclusion on my own.  

I also really liked it when D got me outside of myself.  We went hiking, shopping, took road trips when I got stressed out by school, explored different coffee shops, went on photography expeditions, visited puppy stores, went to plays, and so forth.  He was responsive when I was feeling too overwhelmed to do something, but he tried to present me with a variety of non-food-based social activities so I got used to going out and doing stuff again. He rarely treated me like I was sick.  

 

I visited D one month before I was discharged from IOP treatment. It was my only break from IOP, and he took me hiking on Mt. Rainier. It was the most excitement I had had in months.

 

Hopefully this addressed some of the issues that come up when a couple is already dating when the eating disorder emerges.  Our next post will focus on the question: should you start a relationship when you’re in the midst of an eating disorder? 

A Plan of Action

I have some of my greatest epiphanies and moments of reflection in babysitting clients’ homes.  I think it’s because I’m alone except for a sleeping baby and cannot turn on music, clean, talk with another adult, or otherwise occupy my mind  (insert scary music.)

I am babysitting tonight and I haven’t had an earth-shaking epiphany yet, but I have come to some conclusions about where my life and recovery are right now and how I want to improve in the next few months.

So I’ll start.  Honestly, I am starting to feel very worn down by this semester, despite putting margins into my life. BUT, I am confident that I can take some corrective measures.

The bad news first: 

-My wrist still hurts (although I just spent $150 on an ergonomic workstation which is helping and I’m still doing physical therapy every Friday.) My wrist pain is worst at night, and prevents me from sleeping so I am averaging only 6.5 hours of sleep.  This has led me to start using caffeine in the afternoons, which puts me in a perpetual cycle of “ups/downs.”

-I am also not eating very well (I’m eating enough, don’t worry, but the nutritional content leaves something to be desired–I haven’t had an appetite and I’ve been doing a lot of convenience-type “meals” because of my low appetite, work, and night classes.) I almost cried in the grocery store the other night because NOTHING seemed appetizing and I just didn’t want to exert the effort to try to find something that would pique my interest. Everything just seemed blah and disgusting. The only things I’ve been craving are sushi and Smoothie King, which I cannot eat for every meal.  (Don’t use the “p” word.  Don’t even go there!)

-My house is perpetually messy as I live with a puppy and a roommate who sees no problem with putting his or her (I’m not naming names) dirty socks on a coffee table.  

(photo found online, prototype found in my home)

-One other factor that I haven’t really talked about this on the blog yet is that public health is not really where my heart and passion are. I am glad that I will have the degree and I am grateful for the education I have received, but I am realizing more and more that I want to work at the individual level instead of systems level, and this makes it hard to slug through a systems-based curriculum.

The good news:

-There are a few places I can intervene in my little “axis of evil.”  I can try winding down for bed sooner and stop my afternoon caffeine dose (I sense a painful withdrawal period in my future.) I can buy things like pre-cut fruit and pre-make my salads to make them just as convenient to bring along to class or work as a granola bar. Two weeks ago, I cooked ahead for the week so I had tasty, nutritious things every night, and I need to try it again. I can set up a cleaning schedule with D where we clean one thing per day. I’m not doomed to be stuck in this chain-there are lots of things I can modify!

Java obviously needs to detox too.  We’ll do it together.

-This spring is my last “full time student” semester–and I am actively pursuing ways to make my next graduate degree a reality.

-I haven’t weight trained since the end of July because of wrist pain and, more recently, my physical therapist’s orders. This means that my body has changed a little bit.  For years, my mom has told me that women’s bodies fluctuate in size and shape a little and that I will need to get used to it. I could have never imagined being here, but think I am finally close to a place where I’m okay with this.  This is an ”off” phase for my overall muscle tone, but the muscles I need are still getting worked through daily activities (lifting a baby, lugging my computer and groceries around) and it’s not my fault.  So why beat myself up? My body will fluctuate despite my desires and best efforts. I can fight it, or I can deal. I pick dealing.

-On that same note, I am reaching a comfortable balance with exercise. When I have exercised lately, it has been so stress relieving and enjoyable. When I haven’t exercised, OH WELL. I don’t waste time and I am doing something else valuable, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it, critical brain.

-I just ate my second Dove Promise of the week.

-If you follow the last 3 statements and the one where I talk about how I’m having a hard time eating enough fruits and vegetables to their logical conclusions, I would say that I am making some awesome recovery progress!

-I am currently #22 in the Sam-E contest. If I move up to #20, I will be in the running to be PAID to blog!!! (This is not just a plug…although you CAN vote…come on people, I’m always in a good mood and I have a wicked fashion sense!)

-Because of the busyness of our weekdays, I have taken two full days off from schoolwork per weekend. I have never done this before in the history of my schooling, but I am loving it. I almost cry when the weekend is over because of how much I have been able to “escape” from school mode. It’s such a blessing!!!

-My boss just gave me a Coach purse. The EXACT one I like.

So yes, thanks for reading one of the more self-indulgent posts on Bearing, Eating, Being. I just wanted to honestly share where I’m at–both the good and bad, for accountability and encouragement’s sake.

A Walk Down (A Spooky) Memory Lane

D and I are working on our first “joint” post on a question that many of you have asked: can you have a healthy romantic  relationship while you have an eating disorder? We took the opportunity to brainstorm the answer to this question at Starbucks (a “working date”) but we didn’t write it.  Darn! Looks like we’ll have to go back to Starbucks….so expect it later this week, or next week at the latest (I have a big Powerpoint presentation on Thursday and a big exam next Monday so I may not blog this week.)

In the meantime, I’ll give you a different sort of inspiration (or indigestion) by sharing these amazing photos of Halloweens gone by! 

 

Okay, obviously this is a horrible quality photo, but I don’t have a working scanner so I took this out of my scrapbook and Mac Photo Booth-d it.  This is D and my first Halloween together in 2004. He forgot to bring a costume, so he wore my friend’s mom outfit and went as a woman.  I (obviously) went as a ballerina.  A HOT ballerina.  

Our friend in the back went as a Whoopie Cushion.  Our friend to the left went as a pirate, but people kept guessing that she was a “wench” or a “prostitute” and she was upset.  We went trick or treating in said wench’s neighborhood, and all of her neighbors gave out full-size candy bars.  This was the last year I ate Halloween candy and, tragically, the last year I went door-to-door.  I guess it should have been, considering that I was a FRESHMAN IN COLLEGE.

  2006.  Reason #4343 not to be too thin: you look like a lame 12 year old. I am, in fact, 20 here. 

 

My old roommate went as a white trash pregnant woman and I went as Britney Spears (please don’t leave hateful comments about how insensitive we were-Britney hadn’t completely melted down yet.) 

 

Is my friend Tim’s costume not AMAZING?!

 

The year I went as Britney, D went as K-Fed.  Unfortunately, he and I never got a photo together, which is perhaps appropriate.

Last year on Halloween we hosted a high school tailgate party before their football game.  We did not have a single Trick or Treater, which made D ecstatic because he got the huge bag of candy all to himself. 

What are your Halloween plans? 

EDITED TO ADD: whoops, my competitive spirit is apparently lacking tonight. I completely forgot to plug myself and my homegirls. Vote for us! Yay!

People to vote for:

Me
Lindsey (www.soundeats.com)
Meghann (www.graduatemeghann.com)
Ashley (www.dailygoods.wordpress.com)
Monica (www.runeatrepeat.com)
Amanda (www.runtothefinish.blogspot.com)

Collaboration & Cooperation

I found out about the Good Mood Gig yesterday from Lindsey, a fellow blogger who has also applied for the job.  I immediately decided to apply since the job is right up my alley.  

Unfortunately, it results in the rather awkward situation of competing against a friend. I’ve spent my life competing against friends for theater parts, vocal solos, the Homecoming Court…you name it.  I never really cared if I lost though as long as one of my friends won!

my beautiful best friend, who wound up being our Homecoming Queen in 2004

So Lindsey came up with a great idea: a few of us bloggers who are applying for the “Good Mood Gig” should work to help one another get votes!  

All of us could technically get into the top 20, because you can vote once per day per entry. So we don’t have to fight against each other for votes–you could vote for each of us! If we each combine our networks, we can have one huge network giving all of us a greater chance of getting into and staying in the top 20! Once we get there, it’s “every woman for herself!” 

So help us get into the Top 20 for the SAM-e Good Mood Gig and support inter-blogger cooperation. I’m voting for each of these women every day; will you also vote for each of us once a day until October 30th by clicking on each of our names below? With your help we can all make and stay in the top 20, and it will only take seriously 1 minute of your day (just click “vote”!)

People to vote for:

Me
Lindsey (www.soundeats.com)
Meghann (www.graduatemeghann.com)
Ashley (www.dailygoods.wordpress.com)
Monica (www.runeatrepeat.com)
Amanda (www.runtothefinish.blogspot.com)

Guys, I am having a BLAST with this contest. I haven’t been this excited about something in a long time. Like I said yesterday, I usually don’t try for “shots in the dark” out of a fear of failure, but I am realizing that is a very limiting approach to life.  I would rather fail with great enthusiasm and effort than not try for things that interest me.  

I have been really touched that (as of right now) 472 people have taken time from their days to vote for me. My mom, hairdresser, little brother, best friends–everyone is posting this and sending emails on my behalf.  My little sister even made cards with the voting address, sat in her old dorm lounge, and passed the cards out to students.

Celebrating my sister’s high school graduation–2006

It’s fun to have a community excited for me and working for me.  I have not experienced “communal collaboration” to this extent before, and I am just so happy. Even if I don’t win, it’s been fun to get excited about something!

And for those of you who want to punch me in the face, the good news is that this contest ends next week, and after then I will no longer be shamelessly plugging myself on all forms of social media Until then, VOTE! EVERY DAY! FOR ALL OF US! 

Love, Sarah

Help Me Become a Professional Blogger!

I try to avoid solicitation here on my blog, but I can’t pass up this opportunity. Please vote for me for the “Good Mood Gig” contest.  The contest is hosted by Sam-E and offers a contract blogging position.  If I obtain the position, I would be responsible for writing five blog entries per week for six months.  

Good Mood Gig from SAM-e

My entries would focus on issues of health, happiness, and positive coping skills. More specifically, I would write about why I have a good mood, how I have a good mood, and how others can have a good mood, among other things. In return, I would get a new computer and make $5000 a month.  I would spend some of this money on a sweet vacation and save the rest for my next college degree (what can I say? I have an addiction to higher education that has not been satisfied yet!)

I am very serious about wanting this job. It would be a perfect fit for my lifestyle, my talents, my financial needs, and my personality. It would also give me a chance to try blogging “professionally” (at least for six months)

Plus, if you click on it, you get to find out what city I live in (a BEB “secret” I’ve at least attempted to hide…) Just pretend you never saw it!

The first phase of the contest ends October 30 and I just found out about it today.  Eek!  The 20 people with the most votes will proceed on to the next round of the contest. You can vote once per day and help me catch up!  

As I said in the mass email I sent to friends and family, it is kind of a shot in the dark and I usually shy away from anything that could potentially humiliate me, but I figured I might as well apply and put my all into it–the worst that can happen is that I fail with great enthusiasm!

Thanks in advance for your help! 

Sarah

Social Justice and Scary Neighborhoods

When D and I got married, we were encouraged to write a rough draft of a “five year plan” for what we wanted to get done within the first five years of marriage.  The last few months have held a lot of deeper conversations between D and I about that plan, and revisions have been made to it.  It’s been stressful and exciting and scary and joyful, sometimes all at once.

This weekend. we made a big step forward to one of the next items on that plan when we attended a seminary preview weekend.  The seminary was amazing, the people we met were amazing, and it was really nice to get away on what felt almost like a paid spiritual retreat (they put us in a cozy hotel and fed us all weekend, spiritually and physically.)  

This seminary offers a flexible online/intensive class format, so D would keep his current job and do seminary part-time through online classes, weekend classes, and weeklong classes.  He would be able to immediately apply what he is learning to his ministry.  I am really excited for him (although he has one more school to check out in two weeks, so don’t congratulate us yet on settling on a school!)

Anyway, on our way to the seminary, we wound up getting really lost and ended up in “the wrong part” of the city we were in.  My own school is in “the wrong part” of my city, so I was familiar with the neighborhood style and type of people.  For some reason, though, this time it struck me so hard that I have a fear response to this type of neighborhood and these “type” of people (which sounds bad to say, but it’s my blog so I feel like I have the right to explore my prejudices on here as long as I’m not putting out stereotypes as truth.)  

I HATE that that is my response. 

I think it’s good to have a radar of sorts that goes off when you are personally being endangered, but it was the middle of the day and no one was threatening me by doing anything but being different than me and being outside the “safety” of my car.

As I felt my anxiety rise and my finger move towards the lock button of my car, all I could think about was “Jesus would have gotten out of the car and moved in here.” 

The more that I grow in my faith, the more I realize that Jesus was decidedly not a Republican, a Democrat, or a capitalist.  He was a radical, and He was focused on engaging in the darkest places, with the poorest and neediest people.  

One of the professors this weekend talked about just that, sharing two examples from Mark–one where Jesus engaged with someone “unclean” on the Sabbath in a Jewish center of town, and one where Jesus engaged with someone “unclean” in a graveyard (“unclean”) in a Gentile town (“unclean”) by a herd of pigs (also “unclean”) by Jewish standards.  In both of these situations, Jesus healed the “unclean” person only to be chastised and asked to leave the area.

The professor said that the message she takes away from this was “in darkness–Jesus.  He is there. He is not afraid to engage with the darkness.  His heart is for those in the darkness.”  

I thought about this, and what else I know about Jesus’s heart.  I know that He loved the poor, that He wanted people like me to be blessed by giving up my extraneous things to help those in need.  I know that He had a heart for social justice, for helping the oppressed.  I know He exists even in a capitalistic society like ours, but I think He finds it soul killing for us. 

I know He told a rich young man, “if you want to be complete, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven, and come, follow me.” (Matthew 19:21).  The rich young man went away “grieving, for he was one who owned much property.”

A common interpretation of this is not that we are supposed to sell ALL we own (this seems really impractical) but rather, that for this young man, personal wealth was the barrier to being all Jesus wanted him to be. We all have our barriers (for a while, my anorexia was mine.)  

This is all very inarticulate, but I am really glad that my husband (and thus, by extension, myself) are going to spend our lifetime being educated and challenged to further get rid of our barriers, to engage with darkness, to practice social justice.  

I am not satisfied with my response to the neighborhoods we drove by.  God is in those neighborhoods as much as he is in my own.  I need to be in them more.  

I am excited to continue my journey towards promoting social justice and knowing what my own role is in the kingdom of God. 

How important is social justice to you in your belief system? What do you do to practice it? 

Edited to add: ERIN, you won the contest! I’ll email you to get your address! Thanks to everyone who entered