My therapist has suggested that I get some hobbies.
At first, I thought this was a really dumb idea. After all, I’m busy. I don’t have time for hobbies.
Hobbies are for people who enjoy “leisure time.” (Imagine me spitting that out as if it is a dirty word. That’s pretty much how I feel about the whole concept. I only reluctantly accept the occasional “relaxing” session because I know it’s essential to my mental health. ”Leisure time” is pushing it.)
For about a month, I’ve been pretty stubborn about this idea. Every time someone (D, my mom, or my therapist) has suggested a hobby, I’ve had an excuse ready.
Try out for a play! I don’t have time for all the practices.
Start a garden! It’s not a good time to plant one–it’s almost July.
Start scrapbooking your wedding! That’s messy and overwhelming.
Take guitar lessons! It’s expensive and playing hurts my hand.
Join the praise team at church! They practice on Thursday nights, and my voice is out of shape.
Yes, I am busy enough. I volunteer with the middle school youth group, I babysit/nanny like a fiend, I’m a full-time graduate student, I cook dinner nightly, and I average several hours of exercise per week.
If anything, the exercise is what I consider my “leisure time” activity.
However, today it struck me: I used to consider exercise “fun” when I was training for events. Now that I don’t train for events, I still like how exercise makes me feel, but it’s not a fun or exciting challenge. I don’t feel a sense of accomplishment, really.
Also, I don’t really create anymore (apart from this blog.)
So basically, my “leisure time” is functional. That’s kind of lame.
There are two things that turn me off from hobbies: my attraction to “accomplishment,” which hobbies don’t necessarily provide, and the thought of potential “failure.”
For example, I sang in show choir and concert choir throughout high school, but stopped singing in college all together after I didn’t make it into the top choir. I wouldn’t even consider auditioning for the lower choirs, even when the director I auditioned for suggested I was too ambitious to try to get into the top choir as a freshman.
I realistically don’t have time for community theater, but even if I did, I’d be too scared I wouldn’t get a part in the play to try out.
For heaven’s sake, I can’t even garden.
Today, I thought about these barriers and realized that what I need to do is find a hobby that combines relaxation, creativity, and a healthy amount of risk and challenge.
If I found a natural talent that I could still see improvement in, this may do the trick.
For example, I thought of voice lessons or cooking classes. Both would be expensive, which is another barrier, but I do have a decent voice and intuition in the kitchen. I’m also interested in Pilates because I find the precision so challenging.
Still, investing in a “hobby” seems like a big step.
So first, I need input!
If you have a hobby, how did you pick it? Are your hobbies are largely “functional” (like my exercise one,) or do you find hobbies that are truly relaxing and enjoyable? If so, what are they? How do you deal with guilt about spending that time/money?
I crochet.
The idea came from my hospital stay, it was like a ED team ‘thing’. The five of us would sit there with wool and crochet hooks.
In terms of the guilt, I tend to make things for others… at the moment I’m making kitten blankets.
Hey! I belong to a musical theatre society and I chose that because it helps me revisit my childhood passions of singing and dancing that i absolutely loved and buzzed off. I chose it simply because it’s time for me to be me without any external pressures or expectations. I just go and enjoy it and indulge myself a little. I choose NOT to feel any guilt because if I dont look after me and my mental health and relaxation time, no one else is going to!!!!!
xxx
Oh, man, I’ve gotten this advice too: Get a hobby! The thing is that nothing really appeals to me. I have all the same questions you do — how to pick one, how to rationalize the time/money, etc. Honestly, aside from reading and watching movies (are those even “hobbies”?), I don’t have hobbies. Is that boring? I spend a lot of time online. Ha. Anyway, I guess I have nothing constructive to say, except that I understand and I’ll be following your hobby-finding adventure.
I’ve spent the past few years telling myself “Get a hobby!”. It’s even a joke between M. and me. I’m not naturally crafty (in the artsy sense) and in my
leisure time, I like to read, watch movies, and take walks. Pretty boring.
BUT I did sign us up for salsa lessons for the summer (8 weeks, once a week) because M. and I have talked about taking dance lessons for ages. Or maybe I’ve talked about it? Our first lesson was last week, and it was very hard, we both felt completely uncoordinated but had a great time.
The other “hobby” that I’m working on is biking (or ‘cycling’). This is a VERY expensive activity, I’m discovering, but I do want to be able to go out and cycle for a few hours with confidence. For me, the cycling replaces running, which I’ve given up because of my knees. I love the feeling of pushing my body and becoming a stronger rider. The one thing is that for now, I pretty much bike solo or with M., but my therapist has made a goal for me (isn’t that nice?) that I hook up with cycling groups, or at least try. The expectation is that not only would I improve my skills but that I would actually MEET people!
And to answer your questions – both of these are relaxing and enjoyable and a bit frustrating, but that’s okay. I like challenges. In terms of guilt, I don’t spend a ton of money on other “stuff” these days, and the biking is not only good for my body, but also for my mind and my mood. And I deserve to live a full and happy life.
My hobby is knitting. I think it does give me that sense of accomplishment, and can be very relaxing.
First, I had to get over the sound of the word ‘hobby’! I’ve found things I enjoy doing by trial and error. Wasted some $ (knitting) but broke even with others (jewelry – I sell it also; just about covers my cost – plus I picked up web site development as yet ANOTHER hobby on the way). Still others I pick up once in a blue moon (oil painting), while some comforts I indulge daily (writing).
It’s nice to have so many options – and anything I can’t pick up or isn’t fun? Well hey – at least I TRIED it! Great for conversation, you know?
I would say that having a hobby is definitely a good thing! For a long time I did not feel this way. For some reason the ED made the words hobby, relax, etc. dirty words for me…but over time I’ve learned that hobbies can be helpful and enjoyable.
Lately I’ve been coloring. As in I bought a coloring book that a five year old would normally use. It’s silly, it doesn’t really get anything accomplished, etc. but, as silly as it sounds, coloring has become a hobby for me lately. And, thought at first I felt a little ridiculous, I have come to understand that this hobby is helpful for me and for the people around me in that it helps me to treat myself better. In treating myself better I am better able to care for others, to be a good friend, etc.
ah yes, hobbies…well I’ve gotten really into yoga in recovery. It can be pretty pricey if you’re taking classes at some posh studio, but if you take some basic classes at a the local ymca/community center it isn’t too bad. All you need to buy is some comfy stretch pants (which I find myself wearing even off the mat) and a cheapo yoga mat (I got one for like 15 bucks at target) Plus once you’ve taken a few classes and are familiar with the poses you can download yoga podcasts for super-cheap or even free! yoga is really nice because it makes you feel great physically but also pushes you to consider the emotional aspect of what you’re doing. And its relaxing to boot. I’m not into the super spiritual approach to yoga, but it can be pretty great as a way to relax, ground yourself, and tone up the arms
Hmmm, are you looking for a crafty thing, a sporty thing, a community project thing? Or starting a collection of something, or a writing or scrapbooking project? For crafts, I adore cross-stitch, although it can be very time-consuming. Rock-climbing is a great individual sport that definitely puts you in tune with your body and emphasizes strength and balance, but it does take lessons, equipment, etc…pilates sounds like an interesting option. Yoga has been a big help to me during recovery. Are there any elderly homes, animal shelters, etc where you could volunteer? These are just random ideas, really it’s all about finding something that makes YOU excited to get up in the morning!
Wow, so many ideas! THANKS!
So first of all, thanks for all the crocheting/knitting ideas, but I have to say that my last few attempts at both of those ended badly. I know some of you can get lost in the click-clack of the needles but I get lost in a bad place when I’m doing that. I either think about dark things or about how bored I am. How do you guys make it work? I loved the idea, Keira, of making something for others. That reminds me that I used to make a lot of collage-style cards. That was relaxing and good for others (at least i think…)
I loved the yoga idea. I’ve neglected my practice of late and do miss the “hobby” of that. I actually reached out to someone yesterday to see if I can get a yoga buddy – thanks for the motivation!
Cammy, I LOVE the rock climbing idea, too. We don’t have “rocks” here, but we do have a gym, and that’s a hobby my sister has really enjoyed this year. I should give it another chance. Volunteering is also a good idea.
Kristina,I already bike, but you hit the nail on the head when you talked about the differences between singular hobbies and hobbies with others. I think I need more hobbies with others. I’ve emailed my friend to find out more about her biking club.
Eshoe, I like your oil painting idea too. I used to get out oil pastels and do still life pictures every once in a while. I think it’s time to reinvest!!
I really appreciate all the ideas, more than you know! You’ve made me take some actions and that’s great!